有我。。真的好吗。。。

我已经开始觉得无能为力了，已经不知该如何是好。。。感觉真正的我已经开始不见了，到哪儿去了，可能再也找不回，有可能吗？

看到身边的人如此的伤心，压力，愤怒，无奈，生气，不知所措。。。我都无法成为第一个在他们身边的人，支持和安慰他们，我也无法成为第一个收到消息的简讯，无法成为第一个收到电话来电，无法成为第一个可以关心他们的人。。。

想到当时我和朋友一起做了手牵手的心灵感应，她对我说他在我心中看到一个房间里，站着一个人，用着寂寞的眼神看着窗外，那时，我的心对我说。。“那是我吗？那真的是真正的我吗？”原来，我还以为以前的我不再出现了，没想到它还会跟着我这么多年，是我无意间放不下，还是这个才是真正的我，让人觉得我是一个寂寞的人。。。

其实朋友都说我什么都做得不错，音乐方面很厉害，做事按部就班，可是其实，我是什么都不会的。。。音乐？？那是我的喜好，可是厉害。。？错了。。。我只是一个对音乐不了解的人，还有许多比我更了解音乐的人，就算我再怎么写曲子，怎么想那个旋律，那不属于我的音乐。。。不管我怎么练，怎么想，怎么追，怎么努力，它就是无法到我手上，因为这样，我一向对华乐的坚持，开始感到崩溃，是我做的不够好，还是我本来就是不好，可是就是不肯接受事实。。。？

已经给了朋友许多麻烦，当他们有问题时也不能在他们身边，也不能听他们的心事和了解他们，害了他们感到不愉快。。。朋友不开心，我也只能在那里看着，听着，有时无法了解他们，为他们解决问题。。

我。。。是不是很差劲。。？
我。。。是不是不应该出现在这个地方。。？
我。。。是不是没有资格拥有这么好的朋友们呢。。？
我。。。是不是一个无关要紧的人呢。。？

我好想哭，但却哭不出。是我不够人情吗？是我太有信心我不会哭吗？是我没有感觉吗？
为何呢。。。？
为何我就是表达不到呢。。。
为什么我都是带来麻烦的人呢。。。

冰泪草。。。

这是一个感人即又悲哀的故事。。。

传说，在寒冷的雪山上，生长着一种绿色的小草，每个叶片上都挂着一颗冻结的泪珠，如果你有幸找到它，你就会知道自己的真爱在何方.......

女孩决定去山上寻找那棵传说中的冰泪草，男孩劝她不要去，太危险了，可女孩却似乎下定了决心，一定要去。男孩很无奈，便要求一同前往....

当晚，男孩去了公园......要出发了，男孩为女孩套上羽绒服，问女孩：“你确定要去吗？”“是的！”女孩坚定地说。“好吧，我们出发....”

山脚下，男孩温柔的为女孩整了整帽子，'要上去吗？很危险的，不怕吗？”“不怕！”女孩仍是那么坚定。“那好吧，山上路滑，抓紧我的手！”

山腰上，男孩看着雪中瑟瑟发抖的女孩，心疼地抱紧了她，“我们回去吧，看你冻得...”“我...不回家！”女孩的脾气很倔。“好吧，来我背你！”

山顶上，男孩脱下了自己的外衣，轻轻披在了女孩身上，抚摸着女孩冻得有些发紫的脸说：“回去好吗？现在回去天黑前还可以到家的，别再找了，根本没有那种草的。”“不，再找找看，会找到的！”女孩仍是那么的固执。“好吧，那就再找找看....”

暴风雪来了，女孩慌了，风吹得她睁不开眼睛。慌乱中，紧握女孩的那只手突然松开了，女孩顿时失去了方向，只感到一股力量不断地把自己想上抬起.......

女孩醒了过来，发现男孩不见了。女孩无力的坐在地上哭了，她终于认识到了自己是多么的任性，自己的行为是多么的可笑...许久，女孩站了起来，突然发现脚下有一颗绿色的小草，薄薄的叶片上挂着几颗晶莹的冰珠。“冰泪草！”女孩叫出了声。她捡起这棵小草，叫着男孩的名字，到处寻找着男孩....女孩得救了，男孩却失踪了。

女孩永远也不会知道，在那棵冰泪草的下面，有一双还留有余温的手..在暴风雪来临的那一刻，男孩用尽了所有的力气将女孩举了起来，女孩得救了，男孩却被埋在了下面....

而那棵所谓的冰泪草，其实是男孩从公园里采来的..上面的冰珠，就是女孩的泪...女孩不知道，其实她想寻找的真爱，一直都在她的面前，可她却没有珍惜.....

♥¸¸.•*¨*•*~ Happy Easter Day ~*•*¨*•.¸¸♥

I am home again, with my family to celebrate Easter for the weekend. It's been a while since I really get home and sit together with them, share what I have been through throughout this semester, and have a nice dinner with them, as I was in Kampar for weeks.

I had a nice Easter service night on Thursday in Kampar, and come to think of it, it's almost a year since last year I came to CGBC for Easter celebration and also made Easter eggs with my friends, time flows...

I did had a nice Easter weekend too, I had dinner with my dad's long time best friend, and we had a nice church service too. ^^

Dear Lord,

I pray to You, and to give thanks to you for what You had done for me, what You had given me, for all the things I had. I commit my struggles, my burden, my sins to You as I know that You would take all these away from me, as You died for us, because You love us. I commit myself to You, and I always know that You are always there for me, and for my friends and family as well. Bless my friends and family, may they know Your presence too.

Thoughts for Easter......

Many things had happened in this one year, and honestly, I don't really feel it's already been a year, it just feel like yesterday that all of these happened. One year before, I was still in degree year 1 semester 2, now I'm one step moving towards to last year of my university life in Kampar. It's already been 3 years I stayed there.

There's a lot of ups and downs going on here too, studies, assignments, friendship, activities, performances, problems that are already solved and came out another... Sometimes I wish that all those problems won't appear, but is this really a test for me, to gain this test for me to face the future??

Nevertheless, I am thankful to God that I had such a wonderful housemates staying with me, great friends in Chinese Orchestra that accompany me the whole time, and also my classmates that we play together, friends in CGBC that always cherish and pray for me, and of course, my family members that always welcome me back to the place that other that couldn't be warm enough, my home. ^^

~·* UTARCOU 第一次演出 *‘~

过了新年，竟然还在庆祝着新年，当天晚上的新春演出是我们乐团在这个学期里第一个演出。这个演出是我们大学的武术队所主办的晚会。

当天，我们还冒着大雨一起挤在同一辆车里赶着到表演的地方，真的是“阴”啊。。。可是主办的人有准备晚餐给每个演奏员，我们还大吃特吃呢。。 >.<

其实老实说，当天表演之前，我的确非常担心，因为之前大家没有真正好好地一起合奏，人数都没有一次到齐过，所以非常的紧张。。。 然而，当我们开始表演时，我有一种可以放心的感觉，看到大家都有跟着我的拍子，跟着我的旋律和节奏，大家都非常一致，可以感觉到默契，而且大家都在享受着新年歌的气势，让我也跟着他们一起享受。。。

虽然真的有少少因为人数关系时常缺席，可是还感到非常满意。还是希望大家可以真正为了演出而真的努力与放多多心思。

~·* UTARCOU 第二次演出 *‘~

这是我们华乐团在这个学期第二次演出，是为了我们大学的 UTAR Model Search 2010 而演出的。然而这次的演出，我们呈现了比较不一样的演出。

我们这次并没有整队一起演出，只是出了古筝齐奏和阮柳合奏，为了给观众对我们华乐团有一个比较不一样的感觉和概念。我们这次出了两首曲子，《春苗》（古筝齐奏）和《西班牙舞曲》（阮柳合奏）。

我们在练这两首曲子的时间非常短暂，可是辛苦了那几天，终算有个不错的结果，热烈的鼓掌声围绕着我们，让我感到我们的实力其实并没有这么简单，可以再更好，可是也为难大家了，这么辛苦的练习，而且是在大家繁忙的时候还要大家一起演出。

那天晚上虽然某些原因害了大家都在台上等了半个小时，可是大家那天晚上的演出真的令我感到非常不错，真的非常谢谢大家的辛苦练习与演出，还有为难大家了。。。>.<

♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ My 21st Birthday ♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥

It's been a very long time since I came back here to update my personal experience for these few months, but now I got the time, so I must, as my memory still fresh, to share my 21st birthday experience.

It was a beautiful Sunday, I remembered that I had a wonderful Korean BBQ dinner with my family last night and they bought me a cake, guess what, is chocolate indulgence from Secret Recipe (>.<"). My parents bought me presents too, a gingerbread man from my dad (so cute ^^) and a gold key pendant necklace from my mum. My sister too gave me a "pig" purse. Of course, not to forget that my dear housemate, Rachel for her present and birthday wishes, and those who sent birthday wishes to me through sms and facebook messages. ^^

That Sunday, I went back to Kampar as the new semester was about to begin. That night, I was suppose to have dinner with my housemates, but I was shocked to see that my friends, Yik Siang and Ching Yee came to suprise me. Wow, that was really a suprise. Later that, Choon Weng and Ying Ling came to wish me too. After that, Pooi Yee, who dressed all blue (Avatar no.2) came with a blue fruit cake in her hand. >.<

I am really really thankful that my friends had gave me the suprise and celebrated my birthday.
I am really greatful to God that I have such a wonderful family with me for the past 21 years and they are always there for me, and also I have great friends with me, to support me and we are able to share everything together, what we had been through and enjoyed. ^^ (Arigatou ne~~ ^^)